You Know Things Are Bad When....

your only form of entertainment on a friday night is a bottle of Hennese, some instrumentals and some friends egging you on to freestyle a critique of Cameron's leadership of the Tories. This is off the top of my head, just taped it and would have put it up as audio, but I'm too lazy right now (lol). And may I apologise for the single profanity (the use of the term "Cameron", obv), if anyone has a better suggestion, please post it in comments. Oh, and you prolly have to know something about daily politics if you're going to understand most of it....


Let me loosen my jacket, get comfortable, ‘fore I get nasty
Cos the fact G is that I can do anything that you ask me

Unlike Cameron whose had plenty of time to settle in
So why is biking to work the only policy that he’s been peddling?

He wanted to hug a hoodie but he looks scared, Dave’s not really prepared
The only projects he’s ever seen were back at Eton science fair

The only way he’ll win this battle is if we let him
David looks like the offspring of the foetus and Oliver Letwin

So why aint he steppin’ with some policy ideas?
I never knew they sold political parties in IKEA

Tories are flat packed on crates but they’ll never be assembled
C’mon, we all know what the flat tax rate resembles

Tellin’ newspapers you invited a black rapper to share tea
As if you didn’t know that was a slang term for herb weed

Guess that’s what you mean about supporting green suggestions
I aint gonna eat your lies cos I aint after indigestion

But when it comes to drugs we know that U familiar wit a hard line
But you’ll be finished off before you even reach tha start line

Understand that if you’re gonna play the game you need to stick to the rules
And if you don’t know them then go back to school

But you’re not comprehensively culpable you’re just grammar responsible
A new Tory leader only grandma’s are responding to

G’s asked me to verbally hurt DC, I got him
He says “show love to problem childs” cos he a child wit a problem

Talk about being socially responsible but we know U bluffing blood
Aint nothin’ compassionate about the Bullingdon Club

And as for your performances in Prime Minister’s Questions
U frontin’ and what I’m doing is beyond your comprehension

Splittin’ atoms when I’m spittin’ impromtu verbal symbolism
I saw Rifkind prompt you on ya prewritten bitten composition

Are you a politician? Or just the fat guy from Take That?
Cos ya conference speech looked like a bad attempt to break dance

Aint asking who scripts ya speeches I’ll ask who scripts ya movements
As for who’ll be in No. 10 in 2010 that’s a foregone conclusion

Cos what u want to give the public can be summed up in three letters
NHS – Not Having $h!t, cos that’s where voting Tory gets us

Osborne Hague and Cameron are three Mps with empty speech
On the down low I aint downloading your mp3s

Or ya videos on YouTube cos U dudes be too mad that’s too bad cos u fad
I prolly been in ya own ‘hoods more than u have

“The NHS is safe in my hands” is what he says
But he’s already got the bidding for it started on Ebay

Then he grabs a sharp implement throws out a quick insult
Calls the Adam Smith Institute up on the phone to consult

Yo even his old tutor offered him some more tutorials
Cos its obvious that Cameron aint got no future at all

D-Cam on dotcom wants us to log on and be fam but u wrong D
Ya weak man a con gwarn and bomb hom aint no bonhomie

Think u down wit da yute? but u just be u just be u just be not not not
I tried to speak props about ya site but it was like www...